ANTOLOGI - THIS MOMENT

chandisch · August 2014

Oh fuck!.
Pardon my mouth but this story blows me away!
Aku nyesallllll banget gabuka notif BF selama ini..

Akar? Not so enchanting.
Fabio? Damn that guy! Oh Tuhan he's so damn xxxxxx (speechless)

Anyway, keep up the amazing stories and you are amazing kak @Abiyasha

Xoxo

anime_haters · September 2014

Abiyasha bre**sek dikau...!! Gue suka cerita lo sangat...3x arrrhhh... Sialan gue ga' bisa berhenti baca, lo ahli banget yah mengaduk emosi pembaca. Kenapa ga' jd penulis novel aja trus dipublish ke gramedia atau semacamnya..????

masa_depan · September 2014

Kang aku member baru..
bingung mau ngapain sama nie forum. Syukurr tau2nya pas masuk ke bilik stories dapat karya yang luarr biasa..
Aku sukaaaa bangett cerita2 gantung yang berakhir sedih, tragis, bikin dongkol 3 hari, pokoknya ga' ada bahagianya sama sekali kaya pas dulu nonton film bertema gay dari German yang judulnya "FREE FALL" waaaaa....suka bangett..
meski akunya nyesek 3 hari namun rasa itulah yang selalu aku buru.

setelah baca komment teman-teman kayanya aku ketinggalan yah..padahal pengen banget versi panjang DUA DUNIAKU, banyak konfik yang bisa digali mulai dari ketahuan sama istrinya dll...
oh iya kang karena aku ga' terlalu suka cerita anak2 labil macam SEHABIS PROM (Parahnya banyak yang milih nie cerita), tolong ya kang nie cerita dibuat sesedih dan setragis mungkin biar yang ngerikues pada frustasi 3 hari 3 malam..
jangan lupa ketuk jendela gubuk aku ya kalau upload cerita lagi..!! thanks..

BenNext · October 2014

semoga akan ada update baru di sini.

amin.

andreaboyz · October 2014

Halo Bli @Abiyasha. Udh lama ya ga update antologinya (?). Mw nanya nih, gmn kelanjutan project yang mw ngelanjutin salah satu cerpennya. Gw keinget ini pas bc comment nya @masa_depan. Gw masih ngvote cerpen yang "while we're walking" ya. Pengin bgt cerpen itu yg dilanjut. Hehe.

Abiyasha · January 2015

　　DEAR LOVE

Dear love,

　　I still remember clearly your expression when I called you love for the first time. Were we sitting on one of the benches in Bastione? Or was it somewhere else? I can’t remember exactly. Maybe, I should go through all the photos we posted on Instagram because I believe we took some photos that afternoon. Did we? I’m sure you did. You’re the the most active one between us when it comes to social media. I can’t even remember which photos you posted because we had so many! Okay, enough with all those irrelevant stuff. I don’t really care where we were but I do remember the way you looked at me like I had just said something terrible. Did you know there was a part of me that regretted for calling you that? I should had known the pain you were still trying to heal at that time. I wasn’t too aware to sense the fear that roared from your gaze. I was too drunk with the fact that after 3 months, we finally were able to show our feelings. You just smiled. But, days afterward, I thought it was just your way of showing me how you didn’t want to ruin the moment. I asked you once about me calling you love, and you said you didn’t mind at all. Was it also your way of showing me how much you want to learn to be gentler with your principal when it comes to relationship? I hope it wasn’t.

　　That afternoon, we were just sitting there and waited for the sun to set. You grabbed my hands when I told you the wind was getting naughty by blowing its cold wind. You even lifted it to your cheek while your eyes locked mine and smiled. That brief moment, was the best thing that I had during the first three quarter of my staying in Italy. We both knew how our love life were before the fate decided to cross our paths there. You, with all the pain of being cheated in your previous three relationships which left you hopeless and numb of the word commitment. Me, in a relationship which always left me out of breath, gasped for fresh air because I was locked in a dark place without any window to escape. We both had rough relationships and we both had fears of starting a new one. But, we were agreed to learn together. Not to have a relationship but to let someone entered our lives again and to learn how to trust that someone. It was both a gambling for us because neither of us knew how the end would be. And we both always laughed everytime the word “end” came from one of us because it sounded corny and cheesy. We both had passed the stage of seeing life as a fairy tale and that the ending would be a very beautiful happy ending. We both knew how life never worked that way. So, we stopped discussing about what future held for us. Let it be a mystery, as you always said.

　　Love, how could life be so generous yet so selfish to us? With its generosity, we met. It had changed us. With its approval, we kissed. And we made love. If you read this line, you probably would argue me by saying all those memories we had created were act of choices. Or, you probably would start using all your smart analogies or mentioning some philosophers that I never even heard about. Oh, how I love that about you! All those times when you were getting high of excitement of trying to teach me about philosophical things, I swore that I could gaze at your face without having to blink my eyes. To me, you’re adorable when you’re excited about something or when you’re so annoyed by things I always said, just for the sake of seeing your annoyed face. Did I ever tell you that? Or was it you who tell me about being adorable when you teased me by singing all the songs I always hated? You sang them anyway. And you just laughed everytime I put that sulky face before you did something that completely changed my mood. You always hugged me. Tight. And I always surrendered. I always surrendered to your strong arms circled around my back and your sideburns tickled my ear. The time always froze except the heat of your body which always sent me shivered. And your deep voice, saying how much you wished we were a statue that were carved from a rock by a famous sculptor. You sang the words, without any particular notes. To me, that was the most beautiful tune you’d ever created. Oh, and the way you whispered me good morning after a long night of conversation before I finally rested my head on your chest and listened to your heartbeat as my lullaby. That’s how generous life was to us.

　　But, its selfishness took them away from us. It wasn’t like we did not know it would happen, but it was just...unfair, wasn’t it? After having 8 months of quarreling over something irrelevant as well as admiring how perfect all the moments we had shared, slowly, life showed its real character by ripping us apart. I remember we had more arguments in the last four weeks before we were forced to separate than 7 months of our togetherness. But then, we were survived, weren’t we? You always said that our arguments were based on love and no one should be blamed when the reason was love. I never wanted to say that I’d known you better than anyone else, because it sounded so shallow comparing myself with many people who had known you for years. But, I could proudly say I’d known you better than the men before me. I learned through your stories about them, made sure I didn’t let the same mistakes in your past relationship came between us. You were trying hard not to let your ego or anger or even your pain overshadowed what he had. We both learned, love. And we’re still learning. You always told me that life itself was a selfish prick but unfortunately, anyone could only say it out loud but life would always ignore it. You were frustrated, I was frustrated. In the end, we came out as two survivors even though our souls were full of scars and our hearts were wounded badly. But, we were alive...

　　Love, I wish I could say that I would really love to be in your company at the moment but I knew you will give me that look, that gaze which always stopped me from whatever words that were juggling in my mind. So, I will not even dare to start a conversation about that. You always told me that we would always be together, it doesn’t matter where we are or how many hours the time difference between us, we’re always together. It was the cheesiest thing you’d ever said but proved to be entirely true. You’ve never left my mind, love. Never. My mind is going back to that moment when it was raining outside and how you, who had never complained about weather, told me that it was cold. We had planned to go “somewhere” for a nice dinner but then I said to you that I would prefer to stay in your room. And we did. Locking your door, even though we both knew that your housemates wouldn’t even dare to knock, we were sitting on the bed, well, it was more like you were the one who sat while I was laying on your lap and we watched West Side Story. And you surprised me by humming America when the scene came out. Once Rita Moreno was lifted in the air, you closed your laptop, put it on your bedside table and stared at me. I could memorize the words you said that night “We can watch West Side Story anytime but tonight, I just want to hold you really tight until you beg me to give you the air. I want our bodies collide. I want to savor every inch of your body endlessly. Let it rain outside, let it be cold, but don’t let me die for desiring you so much.” How could anyone forget those beautiful words? I didn’t have the courage to ask you, whether you said the words to those who had shared their passion and love with you, or not. That night, you were mine. And I was yours.

　　Oh, love...we had shared so many of those nights after. Each of them was different because each, gave me one reason after another of why I wanted us to fight together, for whatever that might be greeting us in the next stop of our lives. Every touch gave me courage, every kiss gave me faith. The night before life putting us in its final moment of selfishness, we just laid on the bed. Your arms never left my shoulder and we both cried. We felt the fear crept faster than we had thought and it poisoned our souls. We said things to calm each other and as usual, you were the first one who wiped my tears, looked into my eyes and smiled. I didn’t react but I just let my fingers tracing every curve of the bones in your face before I let it stop on your lips. You just nodded your head and kept smiling, knowing that your smile was my weak spot. You just wanted me to be okay...

　　It’s been 3 months since the last time our bodies touched. Of how, everyday, when dark approaches, the excitement fills me because all I have to do is counting the hours before I see your face. Your morning pout before turning into a big grin and that deep voice of yours saying good evening to me and how you always say that you have to shave but you will forget and say it again the next day until one week before you finally shaved. I love you when you have that sideburns. I love you when you have that 5 o’clock shadow. I love you when you have that 3 days stubble. And you know I hate you when you shave it clean. And sometimes, you do that because you love listening to me rant about it and you will just laugh. The next day, you will tease me by sending your picture with that stubble before I beg you to Skype me. And I hate it when you’re away in a nowhere place and I can’t reach you. I hate it when you write me that you love me because I want you to say it. And sometimes, I curse a lot because unfairness in life catches me and I let them control me. But, the thought of you being mad at me for being controlled by things that shouldn’t be controlled us, send me back to my senses. This is reality and you keep reminding me to make the best of what we are having right now. And yes, love, I’m still trying even after 3 months...

　　It’s raining now and this is one of those times when I miss you more than usual. We shared so much rain, love. We joked that rain had witnessed more of our moments than your bedroom walls. It was raining when the first time you kissed me. It was raining when we argued for the first time. It was raining when you said that you wanted to learn to go through a journey with me. It was raining when we made love for the first time. And you know what I’m listening right now? Michael Nyman’s Jealous Of The Rain from The End Of The Affair. We had planned to watch the movie but we were always in a happy mood that we didn’t want to ruin it by watching a movie like that. Is it raining there, love?

　　I feel better just by writing what I’m feeling right now. I want you to read it but I don’t want to make us sad because memory could be really cruel. I know what you will do. You will look at me and say my complete name with a tone of desperation and sadness and I will start to lose control of my emotion. Our hands will touch the screen and for few minutes, we will be just that. Our eyes will lock. Our souls will be connected. Technology could also be cruel. It lets us see but not feel. I could make a list of what’s cruel since we parted...

　　I could go on and on and on, love, but let me stop here before I say something that will make us sadder.

　　I love you...I love you...I love you...
　　
　　
　　Kiss,
　　Someone who loves and misses you dearly

Abiyasha · January 2015

　　NOTE TO DARKNESS

To darkness,

　　I opened my eyes and you were there, greeted me with your big evil smile because you, finally, woke me up. You made my brain worked when it supposed to rest. You made my soul tickled when it supposed to sit quietly. You made my imagination run wild when it supposed to stay in one place called reality. You killed the dreams I had when all I needed was them because I knew, life would be too cruel to bear. How could you possibly do that to me? Are you doing the same thing to him? Or to anyone else who also grasp for air of reality through a tiny window? To wake them up and show that yes, their dreams would be just that, dreams.

　　But you know what else did you do to me by waking me up at 4.20 in the morning? You made me think of him in the way I never thought I would. You made me think about the possibility of us, exploring the journey of life together. You’re such a cruel bastard! You knew exactly that I should not think about that, right? Why did you trick my mind into the thought that we, at some point in our lives, would finally be one among billion of those who have been shot down by Cupid with its arrow? That can’t possibly happen! You tricked my heart as well, mister-that-can’t-see-anything. I blame you for not letting me having my rest of the day because you know better than anything (or anyone else), that the only time I don’t think about him is when I closed my eyes, but you didn’t even give me that luxury. I blame you for putting colors in the canvas when you know, there shouldn’t be any color, yet. You’re mean enough to let me think, that my name would flash across his mind, even though it would only be a part of small particle in the cell of his brain. Oh, and don’t start playing trick with my logic because then it will tell sentimental part of me to just fuck off and face that I’m awake and things to be done today are already lined up and focus on them.

　　Let me tell you one thing, bastard. It doesn’t even matter if I’m awaken now because then, aside from our bantering about how cruel you are and how I need to take a break everyday from him through my sleep, you made me smile despite all the unsealed boxes that life has for me. Life has its own grandeur plan, hasn’t it? While the plan is still just that, plan, life gives me a gap that I could fill with illusions, dreams, hopes and wishes. Those are the consolation prizes if toward the end of all this madness, life decided to put label “NOT ACCEPTED” or those could be wonderful preparations if life, be kind enough to put label “ACCEPTED” on top of the sealed box. We both know how life works because its uncertainty is so daunting that it doesn’t matter how me, as human being, try the hardest and the best, it doesn’t affect a bit of how it works.

　　Oh, I have another thing to tell you. This one, could be really tricky because you know how brave I am in your company than in the blinding light. In your shelter, I could be this warrior who could do the flexible movement of my soul and bend it because I knew, the elusiveness of it is mesmerizing. I know I have started attacking his fortress and I will keep doing it until the impossible shot its thousand arrows toward my battalion of courage. I am thinking -not switching you of course-, to lift the sword of my inner feeling, just to give him a glimpse of what will come. To warn him, with this sword, I would massacre the fear or doubt so he won’t be surprised if one day, I will break into his chamber and show the wholeness of this sword, not just a glimpse of it.

　　The fight has started and there is no turning back, as you know it. I will stop if the arrow of impossibility went through the flesh of reality, which is, something that no one will ever win the battle with. The only finish line would be him. If I could reach him, the fight will be over because then the result will be known, whether I win or lose. And you know what? After seeing nothing but you right now, I don’t really care. If someone has to raise the sword, that would be me. If someone has to make the first step, that should be me as well. Never thought I would say this to you, but do you know that I never set myself in a journey of battle like this before? I was probably too scared to be wounded because healing has always been my weakness. But now, what’s so special that I finally succumb to the smell of wounded heart and victory of love? I could give you a long answer but I’m too lazy to elaborate it. What I can tell you is because there is a part of this human heart that has been blackened by the dark clouds of long winter and just waited for the sun to appear. I have to chase the sun to stray the clouds. I can’t wait any longer.

　　You should see yourself changing, darkness. I could notice a thin line of light starting to diffuse your power. I should see you again later today, right? Then maybe, I would have something more to tell you about the journey I am taking right now. Or I should be brave enough to go with the light that I would ignore your presence because light will give me him instead of waiting for your darkness to take effect. We will see later today. We will see...

　　
　　Sincerely yours,
　　A guy who just started the war

　　
　　Notes : This is what came into mind when you have lack of sleep and your heart was beating faster than usual. I won’t say if all of the words written in this note is fiction or not because then I would betray the essence of each alphabet but I can say that this note is the positive result for having lack of sleep this week. I should come out with better idea next time. Or happier one.

Abiyasha · January 2015

Dear all,

Maaf kalau lama nggak update cerita. Lagi sibuk bikin cerita buat Antologi yang rencananya akan terbit tahun ini dan sibuk adjusting diri di tempat baru. Antologi nanti hanya akan berisi cerita2 dariku, kemungkinan akan ada 3 novelette dan 3 cerpen plus satu cerita sangat pendek (mungkin) sebagai bonus. Salah satu cerpen di Antologi nanti adalah tentang Lukas, salah satu tokoh utama di Twenty Four.

Dua post yang baru aku posting di ANTOLOGI ini, aku lebih suka nyebutnya sebagai catatan fiksi daripada sebuah cerita. Terserah kalian mau mengartikan dua post terakhir sebagai apa, aku harap cukup untuk sekadar mengobati kangen (Ini PD-nya keterlaluan banget sampai ngira ada yang kangen, hahahaha) dan janji, akan ada satu cerpen dalam waktu dekat yang akan aku post di sini. Aku belum melupakan kalian kok, hehehehe dan maaf kalau dua post ini dalam Bahasa Inggris, silakan dibaca bagi yang mau baca dan silakan dikoreksi grammar-nya kalau ada yang keliru, I'm more than happy to be corrected

Yang bisa aku bilang soal dua post ini adalah, these two posts are about one guy that I had a crush on but he, then said that we better be friends